Loving Like Jesus: Love is Forgiving with Rev. Terence Gray

Good morning. Good Good to see everybody. Good morning to everyone tuning in online. Today, we're continuing our series called loving like Jesus, and today we're gonna be talking about forgiveness. In that passage that was just read, Paul said, love keeps no record of wrongs.

And we're gonna look at what it means to intentionally live into forgiveness because that's very hard to live into. I've preached on this subject, I think, four times. I I I was going

through my sermon files, and I was like, man, I've preached on forgiveness four times at Ward Church. So either I really really need to learn about this myself or somebody in here does or maybe we all do, but let's go before the Lord in prayer this morning. Father, we come before you in the mighty name of Jesus, thanking you for the privilege and the opportunity to come into your presence. God, we thank you for your word. We pray that they would speak to our hearts today.

Oh, father, move me out of the way, that I might decrease so that you might be increased and made much of in the lives of your people, that they would know you. They they would know what you have for them. God, you know their scenarios, you know the the state of their relationships, you know their hopes, their aspirations, you know their fears. God, show up and meet them right there. You know what all of us are carrying this morning.

May your word minister to our hearts. For it's in the mighty name of Jesus that we all pray. Amen. One of Jesus' disciples, Peter approached him one day and said, Jesus, if my brother or sister sins against me, how many times should I forgive them? If my brother or sister sins against me, how many times should I forgive them?

To which Jesus replied, six, maybe seven times. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. Let's look at the screen. Yes. I had to do it. I had to do it. Alright.

That's not how the story really went. This is how the conversation really went. Let's look at the text here. It said, then Peter came to Jesus and asked, Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?

Jesus answered, I tell you not seven times, but 77 times. And some translations say, 70 times seven. This is hyperbole here, and Jesus is trying to make the point a lot, infinite, many. And Peter would have been confused by this. He said, up to seven times what was expected and obligated in in Jewish culture in this time period was three times.

If I forgive you three times, I've met the requirement, I've done enough. And so Peter is like, I'm being generous, I'm saying seven times. And you say to me, 77 times or 70 times seven? That's a lot. That's unreal.

That's that's that's not realistic Jesus. What are you talking about? I'm going beyond here. Forgiveness has always been controversial and complicated. Forgiveness has always been controversial and complicated.

In a world where violence barely surprises us, forgiveness has become more shocking than violence. In 2006, after a shooting that targeted the Amish community in Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania, the world was shocked but deeply inspired by the Amish community's ability to forgive. Charles Roberts, he was the shooter and he's the man behind this violent act that caused this community so much pain, and he was forgiven, and his family was forgiven. Donald Craybill, the author of the book Amish Grace, details this in his book. He writes, forgiveness transcended tragedy.

Unlike the Amish victims, Amy Roberts, the shooter's wife, had to bear the shame of having a loved one inflict such pain on innocent people. Within a few hours of the shooting, some Amish people were already reaching out to her family. That same evening, several miles away, an Amish man went to see Charles Roberts' father. Craybill writes, he stood there for an hour and held the shooter's dad in his arms and said, we forgive you. In the days that followed, the Roberts family received more visits and more calls from Amish community members, each one expressing forgiveness and gracious concern.

They said, there are no grudges. There's forgiveness in all of this. And Craybill writes, it was hard to listen to, and it was hard to believe. The story of forgiveness captured the nation, and Craybill further describes the response to the forgiveness. As people heard about this forgiveness, people began to respond to how the Amish forgave this individual.

It says Amish forgiveness earned the Amish high praise, but it also brought them high criticism. The act of forgiveness did not take the crime seriously enough, said some. It was offered too quickly, said others. It repressed natural and necessary emotions, claimed the third chorus of voices. One USA Today blogger wrote, this extreme event needs time for emotions to settle, not suppress, and suppress.

After all, this was not someone who broke a window and was sorry. From Jesus telling Peter to forgive 77 times, for the Amish community forgiving an individual who took the life of their loved ones. Forgiveness has always been controversial, and forgiveness has always been complicated. Because when you are the offended party, when you when you're the one that's been hurt, you might ask questions like, well how many times should I forgive this person? Am I just supposed to be a doormat?

Am I just supposed to let them walk over me? How am I supposed to forgive them and hold them accountable? How does this how does this work? Who really deserves forgiveness? Is there such a person who actually deserves forgiveness?

Forgiveness has always been a little complicated and controversial, especially when we're trying to live it out because it can be very difficult to offer forgiveness to someone when we've been hurt. As we go back to our parable this morning with Peter, we see him wrestling with this tension. He's serious here. He's saying, Jesus, how many times should should I forgive them? How how many times should I let them off the hook?

It says, then Peter came to Jesus and asked, Lord, how many times shall I forgive, hear this, my brother or sister sister who sins against me? He's not talking about strangers. He's not talking about the guy who took his parking spot at Kroger. Not talking about the random stranger who cut him off in traffic. But how trafficked.

How many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who forgives who who sins against me? This is someone who I'm in close proximity with. The stakes are higher here. This is serious. I wanna be in a relationship, I wanna move forward, but how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me?

Up to seven times, he's stretching it, trying to be generous, and Jesus says, I'll tell you not seven, but 77 times. Peter wants a formula. Peter wants a practical answer. Peter wants a number. He he's trying to figure this out.

But Jesus offers him really not a real number or formula, but what Jesus wants Peter to see is how deeply Peter has been forgiven, and we're gonna see that in a parable here in just a second. Jesus is saying, I'm I'm I'm not really trying to give you the perfect number, 77 or 70 times seven, that's all hyperbole, because I'm trying to get you to see how deeply you have been forgiven, Peter. And not until you understand how understand how deeply you have been forgiven, you will not be able to offer this to others. This will always seem extravagant, this will always seem irrational, this will always seem unfair to you until you realize you've been deeply forgiven yourself. Let's take a look at this parable.

A parable is a story written in the New Testament for the sake of clarifying a principle about the kingdom of God. And so there's always a a principle about the kingdom of God underneath the story. Let's take a look. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him 10,000 bags of gold was brought to him.

Now I just wanna do a little a little math here. I think this is real math and not pastor math. I know that can be different. So I've looked at the commentaries on this, and this was about $13,200,000,000. How do we get that?

The the the metric for currency that was used in this day was called a talent. A talent was worth about twenty years wages, one talent. And some scholars estimate that in our day, one talent would be worth about $1,300,000. That's quite a hefty amount of change. This servant is not in debt for one talent, $1,300,000.

This servant is in debt 10,000, which would come out to about $13,200,000,000. He has racked up quite the bill, and he is not going to be able to pay that back. And so the text says, since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had sold to repay the debt. All of that be sold to repay the debt. Now in this time in the history of an individual was in debt, it was common for them to be sold into some form of servitude in order to pay off the debt.

This was very common. But you didn't want that, especially in this type of scenario, because with a $13,200,000,000 hole, you are not getting out of that bad boy. David Dave Ramsey can't help you, nobody can help you, you are stuck for life, too late for financial peace, any of that kind of stuff. You're in trouble. And so the point that Jesus is trying to make here is that Peter, you too are in this kind of debt because of sin.

Because you have sinned against God, you are in debt that you could never repay. And so when you are forgiven, you are forgiven something that you could have never paid off yourself. He's trying to get Peter to see himself in the story. And in this story, Peter, you are not the king. In this story, you are this servant who is buried in debt.

Let's see how the story progresses here. At this, the servant fell on his knees before him, and he said, be patient with me, he begged, and I will pay back everything. Yeah, right. You're not you're not paying back the 13,200,000,000.0. But he says, be be patient with me.

Can let me set up some arrangements here. I'll I'll pay back the 13.2. The service master took pity on him and canceled the debt and let him go. This this brother's only hope was mercy. His only hope was grace.

And here we see the ultimate definition of forgiveness. He absolutely cancels the debt. He erases it. He doesn't put him into jail. As a matter of fact, he lets him go free.

He gets a new lot in life. He's able to go live and maybe even offer this forgiveness and love to other people. I wanna look at a definition of forgiveness here. Forgiveness is a particular form of grace that always involves an offense. In this case, the guy had 13.2 bill in debt, an offender that was to serve it, and a victim, the king in this case.

And when forgiveness happens, a victim forgoes the right to revenge and commits to overcoming, and I put that in highlight on purpose, overcoming bitter fill feelings toward the wrong door. This is a process. There's an offense. There's an offender. There's a victim.

And when forgiveness is offered, that victim says, I am not going to hold the debt over your head anymore, and I'm gonna work towards healing with the feelings that have been hurt and the bitterness that I might feel because of the offense. Dear friends, this is the essence of the gospel, this is the essence of the Christian life. Here's why, the scripture says, for the wages of sin is death. Meaning because of sin, we have earned death and separation from God. The wages of sin is death.

How do you pay God back? The answer is with a life. You pay God back with a life. Jesus steps into the gap in that scenario and says, I will lay down my life, and I will pay the penalty for your sin. And in exchange for me laying down my life for you, you walk away free.

You are forgiven, the debt is canceled. That is the hope of the Christian life. We don't find hope in our ability to pay it back, to do enough good, to get it right enough. We find hope in mercy. That's the essence of the gospel.

Jesus started this tradition of forgiveness, and this has been a part of the Christian tradition for years, and this is a part of our calling. Forgiven people forgive people. We've been forgiven lavishly and luxuriously, and it might even feel irrational at times, but that's the way we have been forgiven, and then God calls us to give that to others. I wanna look at some some scriptures that show this idea in the New Testament. Paul instructs the church in Rome, be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

Don't try to get them back. Don't try to jab them because they jabbed you, but overcome evil with good. Let's let's continue to look at this tradition in the faith. Bear with each other and forgive one another. If any of you has a grievance against someone, hear this, forgive as the Lord forgave you.

That's a high calling. We've already established that this type of forgiveness is is scandalous, is irrational, it doesn't make sense that time, it doesn't seem to be fair, and you're you're calling me to forgive someone like that. Our tendency when we've been forgiven in this very irrational way is to get very rational and calculated when it's time to forgive someone else. Well, I don't know if I can do that. Well, look at what they did to me and you don't know how much it hurts, and all that is very real, but we can come up with a lot of reasons and we get very rational for why we couldn't.

They don't deserve it. But we won't be able to step into the controversy and the scandalous nature of grace until we realize that we are recipients of a controversial and scandalous and irrational grace ourselves. And it can be very difficult. It says if it is possible as far as it depends on you, at peace with everyone. And this can be very difficult.

As we go back to the parable, we're gonna see the the servant trying to live into this himself. He's been forgiven this great debt. Let's see how he pays it forward. Let's go to the text here. Matthew 18.

His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, be patient with me and I will pay it back. Doesn't that sound familiar? He just asked the king the very same thing. Be patient with me, and I will pay it back. This is his fellow servant now who who owes him.

But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. He did not pay it forward. He did not forgive as he had been forgiven. He got very calculated and rational, with this individual.

Let's let's continue here. And now we come to the point in the text where the king finds out essentially what the what what the servant did. Alright. So people must have seen this take place In in the text, it says that the servant went and choked the other servant, by the way. So people saw this, it was ugly, it was terrible.

He's he's having his fellow servant thrown into jail, and the king catches wind of this. And he said, shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you? In anger, his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured until he should be paid back all he owed. This is how my heavenly father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or your sister from your heart. Essentially, forgiven people, forgive people.

And if we are having a hard time paying it forward, we have to go before the Lord and ask him to help us pay that forward. Because if we're being honest, it's really, really, really hard. And here's the question that I want us to wrestle with. How do I become the kind of person whose initial reflex to offensive behavior is grace? How's that become my reflex?

How how do I become the kind of person who can offer forgiveness to others? And that that's something for us to wrestle with. Most of the time this is what it looks like. We we have things that we're trying to to grow in, and we're trying to be forgiving, and we're trying to suppress the bitterness, but we can't. If you look at this soccer ball, the shape doesn't change.

It's still it's still pushing back against me, and after all of my effort, and after all of my force, it just goes back to its normal form. This is how human nature is. We push against the bitterness, we push against the the the envy. We push against the resentment, and we say, I'm gonna try to get through Thanksgiving without saying something. I'm gonna try to like her.

I really am. I'm trying my best. But if we're being honest, it it it snaps back. And if we're trying to forgive by sheer human effort, we're gonna continue to find ourselves frustrated. We're trying to really wanna I am trying to like you right now.

I am really, really trying to like you, but I just can't. I can't do it. You're a very difficult person and I'm having a hard time connecting with you right now. This is this is real life. This is real human nature and if we're trying this, we're gonna be frustrated with ourselves, we're be frustrated with other people, and we're being honest, we can't really pull this off and we know it.

The only hope is for God to bring about transformation in our lives. We can go at this with force, or we can go at this with formation. This pushes back against me and doesn't change. It's the same. But this is what happens when God gets a hold of us.

He can he can break the pride. He can transform us into something altogether different. This is something that has been formed, it has been reshaped, it is something different, and it's not forced. And this is what the Holy Spirit can do in us. He can break the pride, he can break the bitterness, he can break the resentment, and form us into something altogether different.

So how do we get there? How do we get there? Here's our big idea for the day. Before we can offer forgiveness, we must first be transformed by forgiveness. And in order to be transformed by forgiveness, we must sit with forgiveness and be impressed with the fact that someone has forgiven us.

Before we can offer it, we must get to a point where we are impressed and blown away by the fact that God has forgiven us. Here's why. If we think we deserve it, if we think we're worthy, if we think we're one of the good ones, ensure God forgave me, that makes a ton of sense to me. Until we are impressed with the fact that we have been forgiven, it will always feel forced, it will always feel unrealistic, and we will not be able to offer that grace to anyone else. We have to sit with grace.

We have to sit with forgiveness. We have to sit with our own stories and recall how kind God has been to us. I was just having to do that myself as I was thinking through this sermon, I was like I really I have to sit with the fact that man, God forgave me for much. I was in great debt. I did not deserve to be called one of his own, and it's not until I sit with that and know that to be true that I will ever be able to offer forgiveness to anyone else.

We have to sit with grace and be transformed by it. I wanna give us a few takeaways to take home today. Four movements of real forgiveness. First, we have to name the wrong truthfully. We don't pretend that it didn't happen, we don't sugarcoat it, we don't overlook it, We don't pretend that we weren't hurt.

No. We name the wrong truthfully. That's the first step here. The offense was real. The hurt was real, and we can name that.

But next we have to identify with the offender, and this can be kind of difficult. This can be difficult to identify that I am a fellow sinner, but we won't be able to get over the controversy of fellow sinners being forgiven until we embrace the controversy of us being forgiven for our sins. It will always feel too irrational and controversial. So we have to be able to identify with the offender. That's the second step here.

The third one is also very hard. We absorb the debt. What does that mean? We stop trying to get them back. We stop throwing the jabs.

We stop bringing up old stuff. We we stop we stop trying to get them back, and we absorb the debt. That is also very, very hard. But this is the process of us loving like Jesus because this is the way that Jesus has loved us. And then lastly, we aim for reconciliation.

We can't guarantee it. We can't guarantee that reconciliation is gonna take place, but we we aim for that as the end goal for all of this. We aim for reconciliation for something that has been torn apart to to come back into wholeness again. That's what we aim for. And last, I just want to show us this little little picture here.

Forgiveness, I know this is gonna be helpful for someone. Forgiveness is a one way street. We named that. That's a one way street. That's up to me to release you, to let you go, to stop holding it over your head, to stop bringing it up, to stop jabbing you every chance that I get.

Forgiveness is a one way street. But reconciliation, that's a two way street. Reconciliation is a two way street that requires both parties to move toward one another. You can't get there on your own. That's a two way street.

So if you want healing and reconciliation and something that's broken, that requires both parties. But as far as it's up to you, as far as it's up to me, we're to live at peace with all people and to love others the way that Jesus has loved us. That's our high calling, and the world desperately needs more people that can love and forgive like this. Will you pray with me? Oh, we come before you in the mighty name of Jesus.

God, living into this controversy and complicated nature of forgiveness. God, help us to see how big of a deal it was for you to forgive us. It's not because we were good enough, it's not because we made all the right decisions and had the right plan, but God it's because of your amazing grace. God, that grace shines bright in a dark world where vengeance and malice and grudges and violence of all kinds are far too common. God, may forgiveness be what we're known for as your church.

Help us to contrast what's so common among us. God, help us to release others, to stop holding it over their heads, and to stop forcing it ourselves. God, help us to be transformed by grace. For it's in the mighty name of Jesus that we pray together. Amen.