Loving Like Jesus: Loving with your Words with Rev. Terence Gray + Ashley Gray

Good morning. Good to see you guys today. Pastor Scott asked Ashley and I to speak on loving with your words this morning. He said, you guys have mastered things. You have it all figured out.

So tell us what you know. That was a joke. You should laugh a lot harder. But in all honesty purpose here, they know.

That's right. In all in all in all honesty, we're we're grateful for the opportunity to to to share. I've been under the weather all week, so I'm especially grateful that I'm not up here by myself. Most of my part was written under a blanket, and so I'm so glad that you're here me. To And as always, you're here in my time of weakness to hold me up, so grateful for you.

You're really blessed to have her nonetheless with or without me being sick. You're blessed to have her up here today. She's also six weeks away from giving birth to our second daughter. So so I don't know how she's how she's doing it. But before we, I also wanna acknowledge the people with the orange, jerseys on.

Everybody who ran a marathon, this isn't in the notes, stand up. You ran a doggone marathon or half marathon last week for World Vision. Shout out to those guys. Yes, sir. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. But also before moving any further, I wanna acknowledge and pray for pastor Scott. He's watching from the hospital this morning. He is recovering from a procedure.

It was meant to be an in and outpatient procedure, but he developed an infection and I want to share his words. He said, I have been in the ICU receiving antibiotics and other medications to treat for infection. He says, I'm doing quite well and expect to be released Sunday or Monday. So he expects to be coming home tomorrow. He says my blood pressure remains quite low and I'm under close observations, but doctors have ruled out sepsis or any serious infection.

So he's anticipating being home. Let's continue to pray for pastor Scott and Ashley, you'll lead our time.

Yes. Pray with me. Dear heavenly father, Lord, we thank you for this day. We thank you for the privilege to represent you another day, to wake up another day. God, we'd lift up pastor Scott, lift up Angie, Gracie, Connor, and Duncan Lord.

What a scare that was this week, God, and just how the last year and a half has been so heavy on their hearts with anticipation and the hope of healing and grieving all at once. God, we pray that you would send your ministering angels to Scott and to the family, that you would comfort them, that you would be with them, that your presence would overwhelm them with love. God, we pray for our time today. We pray for everyone under the sound of our voices, Lord, that you would be here, that the Holy Spirit would be evident, and that you would illuminate the Scriptures in our eyes, that you would open our hearts to receive your word. God, we pray that you would speak through us, that you would move us out the way, and that your kingdom would be made great through the people in these lives, in this room.

In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

Amen. Amen. Alrighty. That's right. You said you have a seat.

In the 2008, 10 college students took a trip into the mountains in California and they just wanted to have a good time. They wanted to have some s'mores, so they made themselves a fire and they set around the fire and had a good time and had good conversation. And then they put out the fire. They poured water on it. They stumped it out.

They made sure that it was out. Then they packed up, and then they went home. They packed up and went home. It's just a normal college night having a good time out with the friends. But the next day, they noticed something something significant.

They they noticed some smoke rising from the hills that they had just participated with the s'mores and all of that. They noticed some some smoke coming from those exact same hills. Investigators later found that even though the fire appeared to be out, a few embers were alive beneath the ashes. Overnight, strong winds swept through the area and reignited those embers. The result was devastating.

More than 2,000 acres were burned. 210 homes were destroyed, and damages reached over $500,000,000, all from one small fire they thought was taken care of. It's safe to say that that group of college students underestimated the power of their fire. They thought it was just a small fire that could roast some s'mores. Never could they have imagined a small ember, a little spark lighting the entire forest ablaze and changing their lives forever as a result.

They underestimated the power of their fire. Likewise, you and I might underestimate the power of our fire. What do I mean by that? See, James says that the tongue is a fire. He says the tongue is also a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body.

It corrupts the whole body and sets the whole course of one's life on fire, and it sets itself on fire by hell. Very strong language. James holds no punches because he doesn't want you or I to underestimate the power of our tongues. He doesn't want you or I to underestimate the power of our fire. He doesn't want you or I to wake up one morning after we thought we had put the fire out only to realize that we've burned something down.

People can't live in that. You look at the picture on the screen of of of the house that's burned down. You and I have the power to create environments with our words. You and I have the capacity to shake the tone with our words, and we have the power to burn things down with our words. It's not it's I know it's nothing that we want to do, nothing that we would like to do.

Similar to the to the college students who said, oops, I did that. You and my I might be tempted to say, oops, I didn't know that that spark was gonna cause that kind of damage. But let's get practical. It only takes a little bit of gossip in a relationship to burn down the trust. It doesn't take a lot for a person to say, I don't think I can trust you anymore.

Heard a little bit of gossip. You were talking about me behind my back. You shared something with someone else that I thought that you would keep with confidence. So it only takes a little bit of gossip, a little spark to burn down a relationship. How many times can you say something mean, derogatory, or belittling to a person before the foundation of the relationship is just burned to studs?

How many condescending emails can you send in the office to your coworker before they say, you know what? I don't think I want to work here anymore. The tongue is a fire. But here's the good news. Fire isn't necessarily the problem.

Fire can be used for good things. You need fire to cook. You need fire to stay warm. Let's look at this next house. Alright.

They have a different problem. It's safe to say that this house could use a little fire in the fireplace. They could use a little heat. Someone call DTE right now for this house. See, cold can be just as destructive as fire.

Silence in a relationship when no one speaks, when no one shares, when no one encourages or confronts, this can also cause damage too. So the solution isn't no fire, the solution is controlled fire. See fire, like our words, just needs careful attention and maturity. Our words just need careful attention and mature and maturity just like fire. This is why we don't hand matches to children.

See, James is calling us to grow up spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. And as we grow in Christ, our words begin to come under his control and not our impulses because we can only say oops so many times before we burn something really meaningful and really valuable down. Our tongues begin to when mature, our tongues begin to surrender not to anger, not to pride, not to insecurity, but to the spirit of God. Here's what fire can do when it's properly managed with wisdom and boundaries. Let's take a look at this.

When our words are managed with wisdom and boundaries and maturity, it can bring warmth warmth into the house. It can bring warmth into the office. It can bring warmth into the neighborhood gathering. It can bring warmth to social media. Imagine that.

It can. We're in different places today. I wanna acknowledge that. In a room this size, some of you might be saying, the house is burning down. In a room of this size, some of you might be saying, the house is cold.

It's not that we're mean or saying mean things to each other, it's we're probably not saying anything to each other. We're not giving any compliments. We're not we're not being kind at all. It's just it's just kinda cold. Room this size, you might be saying, the house isn't burnt down, but I see little fires starting to spark up in different places.

And maybe you're taking off your jacket, and you're trying to put those fires out this morning, and you're throwing water on it, and you're doing what you can because you know, hey, I don't want the house to burn down burn down. Help me out today. So we're in different places. Here's what we want you to know. You have power.

I want you to know that. I want you to know that as you hold that flame, you have power. And more specifically, your words have the power to influence the quality of your relationships for better or for worse. You are a character in this story, in the relationships that you encounter in the world, at home, with your children. You have power with your words.

And I know some of you might be thinking, Terrence, you don't know the condition. My words can do nothing. And that's what Satan would like you to think. Satan would like you to think that you're powerless that your words hold no influence over anyone's life. But he can use your words.

God can use your words. Maybe you can't take it from 400 degrees down to 65 degrees, but maybe God might be using you to take it from 400 to 200. Maybe God might use you to go into the office and take it from zero degrees to 40. At least you can just throw on the jacket now. You you never know how God might use you.

Your words have power. You have more influence than you think. And Ashley's gonna share with us now from first Corinthians 13 of how do we actually live into this power with love. You got it. Thank you.

So last week, Scott emphasized the importance of believing that God that love is the priority, not power. So we need to recognize that we have power, but what does that mean? How do we utilize it? How do we steward it? So today, we're gonna look at what good communication looks like.

And in order to do that, we must understand what God's definition is of love. For our purposes today, how we grow, particularly in communication, loving with our words. To help us understand God's definition, we're gonna look at none other than first Corinthians 13. Before we read the text, I want us to understand where Paul is coming from and why Paul specifically writes chapter 13. So this land that is Corinth was a desolate place, was ruined, by Crusades.

And it wasn't until Julius Caesar discovered the land and, of course, saw it as to be a very lucrative land because it was almost like the Panama Canal, very pivotal spot for trade. And so he knew that this was going to be a successful land, a successful city. And he was right. It was. The unique thing that you also need to know about this city is that it was made of non indigenous people.

Right? So people who were not born there, or they they maybe had one or two generations there. That's it. So they didn't have deep culture in Corinth. If you were in the city of Corinth, you were there to make it.

You were there to be successful. You were there to find your identity in some type of success, fame, fortune, and abundance, extreme abundance. And Paul, in Acts 18, was called to the city. So if you recall, Paul was beaten almost to an inch of his life, and then God says, you're not finished yet. You're actually gonna go to the city where no one wants to talk to you at all.

And you're gonna start this church, and these people are gonna be so talented and so gifted way better than you are, and you're going to start a church. And so that's what he does, and the church does thrive. The church is made up of people who have many talents, many gifts, and when they become Christians or they start to say that they're following Christ, they begin to be empowered by the Holy Spirit, and they are able to speak in tongues and to do miracles and to prophesy, and they're very gifted. They are also deeply troubled because they are overestimating their spiritual maturity. In verses one through three, we talked about a little bit last week, says everything should be done in love or it's useless, just to summarize.

And secondly, you should look like Christ, not an unbeliever. That was pivotal in that time because there was a lot of idol worship. And so you could be doing signs and wonders, but it wasn't exactly sure who you were doing it for or under what power. Also, they were deceived into thinking that their power, their works, their good deeds, their external success was an indicator of what was good inside. And Paul is saying, you could do all these things.

You can have success. You can prophesy. You can use these gifts. You could actually be inspired by the Holy Spirit. And if you do not have love, it is nothing.

It means nothing. We see this in Judas. The power that he had to heal was not of Satan. It was of the Lord, but love was not in him. We see this in the Old Testament in Balaam and in Saul.

God did use them, but their hearts were cold, and they did not love, the love that we're gonna talk about, the definition of God's love. So it is possible. That's a bomb to drop, and that's scary. It reminds me of Matthew seven where it says, you prophesied in my name. You called out.

You saved people. You healed people in my name. And Jesus is going to say, I never knew you. Get away from me. So how can we be assured that we're loving like Christ has called us to love?

So in verses four through seven, he's not writing a to do list. When he says love is patient, love is kind, those are in the indicative mood, which means that it describes a fact. It describes what is. The verbs that are present describe a continual ongoing action. The passage is not a list of commands for us to check off as believers, but to follow and practice what love looks like.

It portrays the active, enduring character of love itself, and then it is a portrait of Christ's love for us. For a long time, when I would read this verse, I would think of what love is and how this is how I need to love others, but it took me until college to realize that this is how Christ loves us. This is how Christ has loved me my entire life. This is also a description of the of the Holy Spirit and the work within a believer's life. You can look at this as an indication of fruits of the spirit.

It's not just a duty to perform. It is a character that is formed through the Holy Spirit in true believers. With communication and first Corinthians 13, Paul is not saying a lack of love. Like, if you don't have one, you're not really gonna make a good impact. It's gonna diminish your impact in communication.

He is saying unless you are loving like every single one of these verbs entail you should do, your communication impact is useless. It's dead. It will go nowhere. It will make no progress. Let's look at first Corinthians 13 and look at how that plays into part.

So you know how we're really patient sometimes? Like, we're just like, okay. It's really getting on my nerves, but I'm just gonna wait, and I'm just gonna wait it out. And I'm gonna wait it out, and I'm gonna wait it out. And I'm not gonna confront them because I'm patient, and I'm Christian, and I I do things so well.

And and then finally, you have the last straw, and they totally don't recognize any of the work that you've been doing. And then you cuss them out, or you get really mad at them, and then you just blew it because that wasn't love. You were patient, but you weren't kind. I'm always speaking to myself in every single one of these examples, by the way. Is not easily angered.

Have you ever been the type of person that observes everything? Like, you may not talk a lot. You may really pride yourself in in not talking a lot, but you definitely can repeat every single word that happened in the conversation. And eventually, when your time comes, you will bring out that file cabinet or that Rolodex or that information or that PDF document, and you will say, I remember in 1987. And you will go back and justify yourself.

So, yeah, you're not easily angered. You're known for being well tempered, but god knows that you are keeping a record and never forgiving the person truly in your heart. When this was shared to the church, the Corinthians didn't say, like, I'm gonna put this on a poster in my wall. I'm gonna recite this at very special occasions. I'm gonna get it tattooed on my body in college.

Who would do that? It's so dumb. Not me. Their reaction would have been, how dare you? We are doing all these things in Jesus' name.

We are forsaking all of these idolatrous worship. How dare you say that we're missing something? What else can we do? We're only human. We say that.

The reason why this is so important, the reason why Paul is making this differentiation in what love is because he's not talking about phileo, the love that is reciprocal, is fifty fifty. You give this to me. I give this to you. I work this hard. You work this hard.

We're equal. He's not talking about that. This is what we expect a lot in marriage, in relationships. The word for love in this passage is also not eros, which is a love that gives and takes or a love that just takes. Sorry.

And this is what we allude to a lot of times when we're talking about sexual attraction. He is not talking about romantic love. The word that Paul is using is agape, which is not ecumenical. It's not charity. It's not tolerance.

Agape is a selfless sacrifice. This is so discouraging sometimes. How are we to do this? How are we to endure? How can we live like this?

This seems impossible. Are we never supposed to think about ourselves? Are we never supposed to to say what's right or what we think is right? Most of the time, we communicate about three ways in general, big buckets. Either you say, I don't say things because I want to keep the peace.

I love peace. I want everyone to get along, and I want to avoid conflict. But in actuality, something needs to be said. Or you could say, I say what I want, when I want, how I want it, and it's up to you to get it because you just have to get it off your chest. And then there's people who say, I'm gonna give them, I'm gonna communicate with my partner or my friend or with my coworker the way that they communicate with me.

So if they wanna get an attitude, I'll get an attitude. If they wanna be patient, I'll be patient. If they wanna be calm, I'll be calm. If they wanna bring out the file cabinet, I got 10 rooms of file cabinets. The issue is that what Paul, what God is calling us to is selfless sacrifice.

Therefore, all of these circumstances of communication are selfish. Either way, any of these communication styles, you're wanting something out of the conversation for yourself. You're wanting the person to do something for you. Do you want them to change? Why do you want them to change?

For you or for the glory of God? Do you want them to hear what you have to say because you want them to know that you're right, or do you see an opportunity to love them in truth? It says to be patient and kind, but it also says to confront. And Paul is saying, yes, you are going to have conflict. You are going to talk.

You are going to use all your gifts and talents, but you can only do it in this way. And only in this way will it be glorifying to me. Will it be inspired by me? So when we have this list, we can bring up that list of what it sounds like and how it shows up. So we're gonna be we're gonna be patient.

We're gonna be slow to judge. We are gonna watch our tone. We're gonna be kind. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Be gentle.

You don't need to boast. One of the hardest parts of this scripture is, like, it's not irritable, and I'm pregnant. So I am like, I need so many passes. But there's no excuse. I have no excuse.

No excuse. So, God, please have mercy. But we're we're I wanna honor, Terrence and my children and my coworkers and my friends. I wanna see them as being made in the image of God, that they are precious in the sight of the Lord. A lot of times we have so much mercy on children, so much mercy.

We wanna help children. They're so vulnerable. And well, if they're not your own. And you love them, and you didn't have to do they don't have to do anything to get your love. You just love them.

And before you got married or before you guys became serious, you gave them so many passes. You didn't even see the things they had wrong. I thought Terrence had a brand new truck. Apparently, it was raggedy. I had no idea.

I had no idea. I was like, yay. Got with a truck. I was so so blinded by imperfections because I was seeing him the way god sees him, And it was beautiful. And I asked God to help me see people that I'm talking to being made in the image of God.

They are worthy of dignity and respect. They're worthy of a life that is flourishing. They're worthy of a life that is justified. So how can we practice with our words? We must first de center ourselves.

And there's nothing that helps us de center ourselves more than listening. A practice I use at work with medical professionals when they lead their staff is a practice called reverent listening. I'm also trying this at home with my child and with my husband and with my friends and in my small group. And reverent means being in awe. Are you in awe of your of your spouse, of your kids when you look at them?

Do you have deep respect for who they are and how God has brought them to the point that they are today? And do you love them by definition of chapter 13? So in reverent listening, what you do is you create a space. You create a space to make the person feel safe, to make them feel understood, and most importantly, that they are unconditionally loved. Selfless sacrifice.

So pay attention to the person, and you're giving them a priority over your own sharing. This conversation in reverent listening as a practice is not about you. It's not a social conversation. Usually, you go back and forth. Also, there's another practice with counselors or coupling counselors where you say something and then the other person repeats back what you said to make sure you guys are understanding each other.

That's not this practice. This is purely for the sake of practicing listening, prioritizing the person in front of you, more than yourself. So you're not gonna say anything until they're done. And then when they're done, you could, and I would encourage you to ask questions like, say more about that. What was that like for you?

Again, the purpose is for you to ask open ended questions. That means a question that requires more than one word back. That will help the person continue to freely talk and for you to listen and to be in awe of them. Look them in their eyes. When's the last time you and your partner, your spouse, just looked each other in their eyes for more than wear the socks.

How how long have you done that? So what's at stake here if we don't do this? We will not grow in love. And the way Paul ends this is he says, we have to grow. We can no longer be babies.

And he alludes to this the whole time. Chapter 13 is really a summary of the book of one Corinthians. He's talking specific examples. He gives specific examples for each of the verbs of what love is all throughout the chapter if you read it straight through. And how he wraps up is saying we need to grow in love no matter how old we are, no matter how high our bank account is, no matter how many degrees we have, how many books we've read, how many TED Talks we've watched.

Some of us have degrees in YouTube, and you're masters at everything. When you become a believer, when you become a Christ follower, no matter how old you are, no matter how successful you are, no matter how what your tenure is in your profession, you are a spiritual baby. And being a baby is not a bad thing. It only becomes a bad thing when you don't recognize that you are one or when you stay a child. Most of the time, someone stays a child because they refuse to admit that they are a child and that they need to grow.

It takes humility to say, I need help. I'm not good at that. I constantly have to ask people at my small group, friends, older women in the church, how do you deal with this? How do you do this? How do you stay organized?

How do you navigate multiple children? How do you navigate arguments with your spouse? How do you help me with this child that's so strong willed that she can lift a mountain? It takes humility. Our daughter, our small group can say amen, swear she knows everything.

And if God doesn't switch something on in her heart or I know developmentally she's five. Right? So it's very appropriate for her at this age to think it. But she like, our friend Renee gave her a swim lesson. One, the next day, she jumps in the pool and was like, I know how to swim.

Luckily, she was at the edge, and she did listen to what Renee said about kicking her feet to go to the top. And I wasn't in the pool yet, and she survived. So but she she thinks she's a master. She went over our, friend, the Morris's house to skate, to learn how to ice skate. And after about two hours, she wasn't falling every two seconds.

And so now she tells the coaches at her lessons, oh, I can skate, and then she falls. That's appropriate. She's five. What would be mature is if we said, hey, Luca. Here's the keys to the car.

Can you go get some groceries? What would be mature is if she said, oh, no. I can't do that. I don't know how to drive. That's dangerous.

And we need to ask ourselves that. Really be honest with yourself. Maybe eventually confess this to your spouse. Confess this to your children. Confess this to your coworkers.

I have been struggling with communication. I am getting angry so quickly. I am not seeking understanding. I'm in a rush, and I cannot listen. Well.

Or I'm not loving you. Well. I'm loving you because I want something out of this, or I'm loving you because in a way that is is not self sacrificial. And I'm sorry for that. Maybe that's the first step.

Recognizing where you are and willing to accept your need of learning is the first step. And in all things, be encouraged that being like Christ is a quiet and lengthy journey. A child loves loud things, and they love it tapping quickly. So that's why YouTube is a master of brainwashing all of our kids. And that is what Paul is alluding to in one through three when he says, if you do these things and you have not love, it's a resounding gong.

It's just sound. We just want it quickly. We wanna I'm a Christian. Therefore, I know everything now. That's not what God's called us to.

God has called us to his definition of love and includes all of it, and without all of it, it is nothing. He has called us to a quiet and lengthy journey, and he's with us every step of the way. Terrence.

As we prepare to close, just want to say, before we do love, we must first encounter love. All of this is very hard, very difficult to actually live out. Before we do it, we must encounter it. Otherwise, we're always going to feel like we're getting cheated because we're trying to give something that we don't have or we're gonna feel like we're trying to get something from someone that they don't possess. So Jesus displayed ultimate love for us at the cross.

He died for sinners. He says to you and me, embrace my love and then share that love with others even with our words. Will you stand with me and just receive the benediction as we prepare to leave today? You can come forward. The word has given you great power with your words, And we live in a world that desperately needs people who are wise with their words.

And I believe that God has called us as the church to be such people. Receive this blessing over you. Friends, encounter the love of God for you. See his face shining upon you, blessing you, accepting you, acknowledging you for who you are. You're fully known and fully loved in his presence.

Now take that love to the world. The Lord bless you. The Lord keep you. The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace both now and forevermore.

Go in peace, brothers and sisters. Be blessed.